Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
