Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
