My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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