Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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