I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
