so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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