Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
