I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
