fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
