youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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