i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
