Welp...herpes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
