she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
