I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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