If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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