whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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