I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
