You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She announced her abortion via fbk
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
