whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
40s are totally the cure
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
