Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
