goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
