My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize