They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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