you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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