Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
