my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
