You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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