The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
