I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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