Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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