Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
