Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
