I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
