We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's get the cat blown out
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize