puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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