We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize