Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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