um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
