Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
