I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
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