Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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