I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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