saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
