This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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