Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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