He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
