oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
