I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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