I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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