Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
