If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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