I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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