i just sent this text using only my big toe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
