What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize