mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
