ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
