If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
