Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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