I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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