is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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