I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Randomize
