you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We got so high we made milksteak
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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