Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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