I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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