You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
