dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
