There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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