Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize