Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize