if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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