just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
