Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
