Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
